she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
