I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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