whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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