Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
