the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
