I want to have your abortion
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize