I think my fart just growled at me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
