No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
