TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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