Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
