the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize