a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
