You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
