I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Your dad touched me again.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
