Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dicks are not precious.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
