There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
