Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
