I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
