party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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