Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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