I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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