I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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