Midget sex pt 2 tonight
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
