when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
