There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
