I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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