I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
