maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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