We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
