I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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