I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
