she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
