She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
