You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize