frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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