you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
