I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
