Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
