the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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