she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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