and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
