I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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