It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
