somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
smell my finger.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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