the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
