sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
