he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
foreskin is a definite game changer
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
