a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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