I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
