I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
