we made out on top of his cat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
