how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this will be a night to untag.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
