I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
