Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
