We won't sleep together?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
