atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
