just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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