i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
