so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
