why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
