I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
