I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
