Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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