Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
