when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize