it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
