So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
