I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
